Sometimes, someone you love is going through a certain thing you have no experience with, but you still look to support them. This is part of having relationships with individuals, romantic or any other- they are based on care and mutual support. This is why it is quite frustrating when someone is experiencing something that you cannot really support, like losing a loved one, the end of a relationship, or even struggling with infertility.
Here we still have a lot of cultural taboos in India, and talking about mental health, specifically when it comes to the mental health of those women who cannot get pregnant, is difficult for several. Part of why it is so difficult to talk about pregnancy loss and infertility is because it is still dismissed and not discussed openly. One also tends to believe that carrying a child to term is a simple, commonplace thing, but for some individuals, it just is not possible. Also, for women who are constantly being blamed for not able to bear a child or become pregnant by some family members or relatives is a constant point of discussion.
Counselor Shivani says as a society, however, one usually expects people struggling with infertility to keep it to themselves. If someone you know has told you about infertility, that is a very huge deal – it means they trust you a lot to react properly and support them.
The reasons that individuals experience infertility is not always understood, which can make that experience even more devastating. Some of the reasons thought to be involved are genetic defects, hormone imbalances, viral or bacterial infections, and autoimmune disorders. However, most of the time there is not a simple answer as to why that individual is struggling to conceive.
Thus, it becomes natural to want to help the person you care about, so through this blog India’s leading family counselor and psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo says if you know someone who is struggling due to infertility, you are probably looking for a way out to genuinely help.
Exercise Holding Space
Plenty of times your instinct is to support and safeguard the person you love, specifically when they are hurt or going through pain. However, at times the ideal thing you can do is simply be there and hold space for the emotions they are going through. Holding space indicates being physically, mentally, and emotionally available for someone. It means placing your focus on someone to assist them as they feel their feelings rather than focusing on your own.
Never Ask Have You Tried, This and That
They might have been working closely with their doctor to find this out, while asking “Have you tried this and that?” may sound helpful, it is simply unnecessary. Imagine that they know their body and their medical background better than you. One often feels the urge to throw out solutions when someone is in pain, but that perhaps would not make the person feel better, only yourself.
Please Look Out for What You Say Normally
Feeling such as they cannot talk about their experience regarding infertility may make the experience even more lonely. Some of the common responses to hearing regarding infertility are, “you can always try in the future”, whose fault is it? “What’s the problem with you?” “How are you facing all that?” “Have you ever thought of adoption?” “Perhaps it’s not meant to be.” Most people who say those things do not intend to be cruel, but these sentences can reduce the grief and sorrow that the person is feeling. Rather than saying something simply, think carefully regarding how your words could be interpreted.
Restrict the Baby Talk
If you have children or are expecting a baby it is natural to look to talk about it. However, there are perhaps plenty of people in your life who can handle these topics – never shift them on a friend who is dealing with infertility. Know that your friend perhaps does not really resent you for your family, but it is difficult to talk about all the same. Look to be as kind and understanding as you can, and never take it personally if the other person requires some space from baby and pregnancy talks.
If you are caring for someone who is dealing with infertility, it could be confusing to know how to support. Bear in mind to be kind and think about the other person’s situation and just hold space where you can. If you require more support in this regard, you can always come to a therapist to get assistance.
Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away
During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control COVID-10 spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.
However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help. Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception. But try it before you disregard this option. This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high.
You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option. Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service!
Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, or emotional and psychological challenges.
Shivani Misri Sadhoo is an internationally recommended relationship Counsellor by world’s biggest and most trusted study and research-based foundation for couples therapy – Gottman Institute. She is trained on specialised key relationship counselling Skills from AIIMS, VIMHANS and various other reputed institutions. Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo, is also Certified for Emotionally Focused Therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Dialectical Behaviour Therapy.
Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo is also a Certified Neuro Linguistic Practitioner with specialised training and experience in the field of affairs/betrayals, trust issues, difficulty communicating, conflicting values, bereavement, grief and loss (affairs, separation, divorce, childhood) and emotional health issue (anxiety, social anxiety, fear, depression, low mood).
Currently, Shivani Misri Sadhoo is one of the top counsellors with the HIGHEST Success Rate with over 17,000 happy couples and individuals (based in India and abroad), who has benefited from her therapy. Psychologist and Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo not only practice independently from her clinic in Greater Kailash, Delhi, India but also listed on the panel of eminent hospitals like IBS Hospital – Institute of Brain & Spine, Express Clinic, Fortis (formerly) based in Delhi.
