One often hears the phrase “emotionally unavailable” quite a bit, but what does that actually mean, really? Maybe somebody has told you that you always end up with emotionally unavailable persons, and you are attempting to break the habit. Maybe you simply doubt your new partner or fresh to be emotionally unavailable. Counselor Shivani says here is what you need to know about how to identify an emotionally unavailable person.
What does it mean to be emotionally unavailable?
Being emotionally unavailable means someone who is not open to discussing or sharing their thoughts and feelings. They can be evasive, flaky, or difficult to read. Being emotionally unavailable mostly reflects a lack of emotional depth. It does not mean that something is not right with you but it could mean that you are using your emotional capacity to cope with your own feelings or circumstances.
This blog by eminent Psychologist and Relationship Expert, Shivani Misri Sadhoo tells about the signs one is emotionally unavailable.
They Do Not Communicate Consistently
Certainly, not everyone is available all the time for a super-fast text back, but if this is happening every time, take note. If someone is leaving you wondering as to when they are going to talk to you, chances are strong that they are not emotionally available to really connect and make you feel heard. When a person is there for you and is into you, they want to talk to you and will make the attempt.
They feel Overwhelmed or Choked by Emotional Intimacy
Emotionally unavailable people often masquerades as being fiercely self-dependent and self-sufficient. That this is an illusion used to avoid being vulnerable with feelings. Wanting a small space in a relationship could be a sign of emotional control and wherewithal, but at times an excessive need for alone time in a relationship might be a reflection of uneasiness with intimacy. The major drive is independence, and their greatest fear is engulfment—in simple words, losing themselves in another person or being contained. They look for space and solitude to regulate their anxiety, specifically during conflicts.
It is quite possible to date with an avoidant attachment type, but it possibly means there are some insecurities that require healing.
They Avoid Deeper Conversations
If an individual you are seeing has no interest in getting “deep” with your conversations, particularly when it comes to your relationship, which is also a sign of emotional unavailability. If he/she avoids engaging in communication or discussions revolved around commitment or even getting closer in the relationship,” you need to be beware. Someone who does not want to share anything really impactful about themselves is rarely someone who looks to have a serious relationship.
They Look to Want Perfection
If you feel like you have to be perfect, cool, and interesting every time in order to keep someone interested, probabilities are you are not the issue. Emotionally unavailable persons are impossible to mollify because they are all the time looking for something negative to latch onto in an attempt to justify their crappy manner. They look for perfection in imperfect humans so that they can use your flaws as justification for finishing things or not getting serious with you.
Their Behavioral Pattern is Unpredictable
People who are emotionally unavailable look to confuse their partners with their inconsistent behavior. They vacillate between being very hot one moment and then very cold in the relationship. This can make one feel uncomfortable and scary. If someone makes you feel safe and comfortable one day, only to go missing for a week—this person is perhaps not emotionally available to you. While the temptation to appear back when someone comes out of the rough might be great, it can ultimately be very damaging to you. No one must feel like they are being jerked around.
They Never Compromise Their Time
Individuals who are emotionally unavailable are mostly unaware of the feelings of others. This is also a usual sign of a narcissist, by the way. They try to value control over situations and are not willing to compromise. If the person you are seeing wants you to bend every time to fit yourself around their schedule but would not inconvenience themselves to do the same, chances are high that they are emotionally unavailable. They want the relationship to center around them because they lack the emotional depth to understand that relationships are two-way traffic.
Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away
During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control COVID-10 spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.
However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help. Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception. But try it before you disregard this option. This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high.
You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option. Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service!
Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.
Shivani Misri Sadhoo is an internationally recommended relationship Counsellor by world’s biggest and most trusted study and research-based foundation for couples therapy – Gottman Institute. She is trained on specialised key relationship counselling Skills from AIIMS, VIMHANS and various other reputed institutions. Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo, is also Certified for Emotionally Focused Therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Dialectical Behaviour Therapy.
Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo is also a Certified Neuro Linguistic Practitioner with specialised training and experience in the field of affairs/betrayals, trust issues, difficulty communicating, conflicting values, bereavement, grief and loss (affairs, separation, divorce, childhood) and emotional health issue (anxiety, social anxiety, fear, depression, low mood).
Currently, Shivani Misri Sadhoo is one of the top counsellors with the HIGHEST Success Rate with over 17,000 happy couples and individuals (based in India and abroad), who has benefited from her therapy. Psychologist and Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo not only practice independently from her clinic in Greater Kailash, Delhi, India but also listed on the panel of eminent hospitals like IBS Hospital – Institute of Brain & Spine, Express Clinic, Fortis (formerly) based in Delhi.
