Relationships might often seem like a difficult landscape to navigate at times. Romantic relationship problems occur for several reasons but generally, they result in one or both partners feeling emotionally disassociated in their relationship, says Shivani Sadhoo.
What creates relationship troubles?
When negative patterns of interaction creep in, such as feelings of being misunderstood or not cared for, couples feel moments of disconnection or feeling far away from one another even when they are physically very close. When these circumstances of emotional disconnection repeat over time, couples generally feel that they cannot rely on each other. They end up considering their other half as a trustworthy source of safety, support, and comfort.
The problem of giving and receiving emotional help normally ends up interfering with the romantic relationship and intimate bond. After a while, certain partners will feel more like roommates or siblings than being a couple. If the pain caused by the emotional distance is too huge or unbearable, some people might start living parallel lives, together with but disassociated romantically. This could bring a sense of bitterness and distance within the relationship.
Fixing the relationship issues
Post living this way for a while, fixing your romantic relationship may appear like an impossible task to accomplish but it does not have to be as per India’s top marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo.
Relationships, like several things in life, need constant work. Healthy relationships are formed with effort, empathy, and a willingness to share and invest time, commitment, and care in them.
Recognition
The primary step is to recognize the patterns of behavior that trigger internal negative emotions. It could get tricky when partners are triggered by specific typical behaviors of the other. Everyone forms ways of responding to situations that the other one might not be aware of. For instance, do you greet your partner with a smile when they come home? Do you have any gestures of love or kindness towards them or you may come off as cold and uninterested?
Ask Yourself: do you know what bothers your partner but cannot stop doing it? Have both of you ever tried to understand each other’s distress using perspective? How do you convey your needs? Are you certain and direct or indirect or aggressive while interacting?
The negative patterns are breakable if tried. Recognizing them is the initial step to address them constructively.
So, the next moment that you notice that something that your other one says or does bothers you, you can note down what specific thing from what they did or said bothered you and why. What is the point that made suffering in you?
Notice the things that you do or say make your partner feel upset. Then question yourself, are you willing to pay attention to this behavior and set goals and a series of tiny steps so that you can work on rectifying them?
Allowing your partner to know what you are thinking to do, might let them offer their assistance to you with your plan.
Discussing honestly what is the meaning of this task and how it makes you feel requires it to be done in a caring, loving, and respectful manner so you can be heard and your partner doesn’t feel insecure or attacked.
Create empathy towards one another
The initial step in creating a healthy and loving relationship is to be empathetic with each one. Listen to your other one with your complete attention, an open mind, and the desire to understand where they are coming from. Forget about your own needs for a minute, focus on your partner and validate their feelings.
Are they feeling hurt, frustrated, or misunderstood? Even if you do not agree with their perspective, you can recognize why they are feeling that manner. Most times, if your partner feels that you are making an attempt to understand them, they will soften and feel connected to you. This will let you feel closer and it will make it simpler for both of you to communicate in a different and more productive and caring manner.
Remember the reason to love them
Whenever you are frustrated by your special one’s words or actions, rather than lashing out, a good strategy is realigning your thoughts and recalling aspects of your partner’s personality that you do love.
Try to remember those things that you cherish about them, the parts of their personality that drew you closer towards them in the first place. How wonderful they make you feel when you get along and how they complement your personality better than anybody else.
Do your bit, be the change
Several couples going through relationship problems are tempted to adopt opposing stances on issues and demand change from each other. But when both individuals are busy fighting over who must change, the actual change never happens
The ideal position you can take is to be the change you wish to see. Being compassionate and attempting to put yourself in your partner’s shoes. Try to understand them first so they will perhaps be more open to understanding your situation once they feel understood.
Think about what you can do to bring more happiness, satisfaction, closeness, passion into your relationship and begin taking tiny steps towards making the relationship that you envision.
Seek professional help
It is understandable that reading an article may not be sufficient for you to resolve your issues or conflicts with your partner. At times help is needed to figure out the things. In this case, you can seek assistance from a professional couple therapist for getting a better and healthier relationship.
Shivani Misri Sadhoo is an internationally recommended relationship Counsellor by world’s biggest and most trusted study and research-based foundation for couples therapy – Gottman Institute. She is trained on specialised key relationship counselling Skills from AIIMS, VIMHANS and various other reputed institutions. Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo, is also Certified for Emotionally Focused Therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Dialectical Behaviour Therapy.
Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo is also a Certified Neuro Linguistic Practitioner with specialised training and experience in the field of affairs/betrayals, trust issues, difficulty communicating, conflicting values, bereavement, grief and loss (affairs, separation, divorce, childhood) and emotional health issue (anxiety, social anxiety, fear, depression, low mood).
Currently, Shivani Misri Sadhoo is one of the top counsellors with the HIGHEST Success Rate with over 17,000 happy couples and individuals (based in India and abroad), who has benefited from her therapy. Psychologist and Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo not only practice independently from her clinic in Greater Kailash, Delhi, India but also listed on the panel of eminent hospitals like IBS Hospital – Institute of Brain & Spine, Express Clinic, Fortis (formerly) based in Delhi.
