Says Couple’s Therapist Shivani Sadhoo
There are certain obvious relationship milestones that let you know when things are getting more serious, such as when you meet your would-be partner for the first time or the parents. Shivani says, however, there are also certain seemingly small moments that could truly be just as grand, and also more thrilling. In a nutshell, do not spend your whole life waiting for just the bigger things to happen. There are numerous tiny moments that are equally important, perhaps more than the bigger occasions that one usually waits for.
Here are five small relationship moments shared by India’s top marriage counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo. She says these are so small if you blink you will simply miss them.
Being at ease with silence
Take an example here, during a past weekend you and your partner walked for some distance around your locality without talking. You may find that there are three major kinds of silence in a relationship: the kind that comes post a big fight, the sort that is an outcome of being absorbed by your phone or any other distraction, and the last one that occurs while you are loving and enjoying something together without even feeling like the silence makes it awkward. This last one is the crowning jewel.
Sacrificing the last bite of food
You are eating a chocolate-flavoured cake and it is one of your favourites too. As you close in on the last bite, you might be overcome with the urge to give it to your loved one. You had been saving it for last since it had the perfect amount of chocolate bits inside having a fat hunk of caramel. You watched yourself spoon it up and offer it to your partner like you were having an out-of-body experience. You would be both appalled and proud of yourself. (It is fine if you’re relieved when they tell you it’s OK to have the bite for yourself. You’re only human).
Having unplanned dates
Initially, in a relationship, everyone stays on their best date behaviour, at least everyone tries that. It is all about doing cool things. Pre-decided dates are excellent, but there is also something to be said for spending time together with no actual set plan. It is a transition from the date pivoting on an activity to it being a given that you will spend time together, no matter what you do.
Spending the night without having sex
Certainly, the first time you have sex, it is a huge deal. But that first night you fell into bed, give each other a kiss, and passed out is also a significant marker. The relationship is shifting from “can’t keep your hands off each other” to the craving of simply sleeping, next to each one that occurs, with getting more attached to someone. That, in itself, is as exciting as a good session between the sheets.
Shivani Misri Sadhoo is an internationally recommended relationship Counsellor by world’s biggest and most trusted study and research-based foundation for couples therapy – Gottman Institute. She is trained on specialised key relationship counselling Skills from AIIMS, VIMHANS and various other reputed institutions. Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo, is also Certified for Emotionally Focused Therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Dialectical Behaviour Therapy.
Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo is also a Certified Neuro Linguistic Practitioner with specialised training and experience in the field of affairs/betrayals, trust issues, difficulty communicating, conflicting values, bereavement, grief and loss (affairs, separation, divorce, childhood) and emotional health issue (anxiety, social anxiety, fear, depression, low mood).
Currently, Shivani Misri Sadhoo is one of the top counsellors with the HIGHEST Success Rate with over 17,000 happy couples and individuals (based in India and abroad), who has benefited from her therapy. Psychologist and Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo not only practice independently from her clinic in Greater Kailash, Delhi, India but also listed on the panel of eminent hospitals like IBS Hospital – Institute of Brain & Spine, Express Clinic, Fortis (formerly) based in Delhi.