Every human being at some point of time in their life goes through extreme trauma and loss. Many times a person grieves for a prolonged duration when they go through any trauma or loss. Sometimes coming out of that loss and trauma becomes impossible, says Shivani Sadhoo.
Well, that is one side of being suffering through trauma or loss. However, there is another side of the coin when one is going through trauma and loss. Trauma often brings post-traumatic growth. And, multiple studies confirm that too.
In this blog, India’s top psychologist and couples therapist Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares some ways how trauma, and loss could trigger transformative growth in you?
You actually never lose yourself
You will learn that, even if you lose anything significant or everything else, you are required to do everything you can not to lose yourself. You may have lost everything, but you can’t and will not lose yourself.
There is no bigger reality other than your inner reality
You learn the only essential thing is how you feel about what is happening. It is not what happens that hurts you, but how you interpret it.
Everything you thought, you owned was merely an illusion
All the things that you thought you had (material things, such as money, and property) were an illusion and were unimportant. You realize now that the sole thing that matters in the world for you is people and their kindness. People you met gave you mental support, strength, and wisdom.
You learn there is no permanent “You”
“You” are a process, a self-formed and self-sustaining method. Self-confidence and happiness are not a taken or given, but a habit. If you make self-esteem and happiness a habit, then, even if you lose out on everything as you did, you will know ways to return to that habit.
Never lose hope
Now you see your life before as a continuous rise to your peak, from which, because of the calamity, you had to jump, leaving everything, clutching your loved one’s hands, and closing your eyes in horror. It has been a leap of faith.
In your case, you perhaps found out that life can give you a parachute, but that parachute will only appear if you are willing to jump. You jumped and were rescued by surprising strangers.
Hope is one of the scarce resources responsible for your peace in the present. So, never ever lose your hope.
Hate mongering will only bring the never-ending cycle of demolition while kindness will provide a never-ending loop of love
Perhaps, your cause of trauma was too treacherous a path to tread. And hating anyone will seem an obvious way out. Good and evil are quite important concepts, and you need to teach them to your younger ones too. Hatred only leads to more hatred and anger breeds more anger, which makes way for devastation and destruction. Kindness, on the other hand, breeds more kindness, which make a virtuous cycle of positive energy. You have to stay away from hatred and love yourself, love people, love nature, and love life.
Strength is in acceptance
Acceptance is certainly not a weakness, but a strength. You cannot alter the past and you need to accept what happens to you even if there are unpleasant memories. If you look for easier routes, you will be surprised. Everywhere you go, there will be difficulties.
Shivani says many times you have to face severe calamities sometimes you had no role in creating them, yet you need to walk through that fire. But it is important as a human being you don’t allow that bitterness to creep inside you. Perhaps, what happened was way too tragic to overcome. But if life has one unpleasant incident, then the same life also offers you to meet some brilliant and kind individuals. You as an individual simply need to embrace those kinds of people rather than sticking to your past traumas and move further. This is what makes a human a true human being. And this is what will bring the transformation in your journey called life.
Shivani Misri Sadhoo is an internationally recommended relationship Counsellor by world’s biggest and most trusted study and research-based foundation for couples therapy – Gottman Institute. She is trained on specialised key relationship counselling Skills from AIIMS, VIMHANS and various other reputed institutions. Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo, is also Certified for Emotionally Focused Therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Dialectical Behaviour Therapy.
Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo is also a Certified Neuro Linguistic Practitioner with specialised training and experience in the field of affairs/betrayals, trust issues, difficulty communicating, conflicting values, bereavement, grief and loss (affairs, separation, divorce, childhood) and emotional health issue (anxiety, social anxiety, fear, depression, low mood).
Currently, Shivani Misri Sadhoo is one of the top counsellors with the HIGHEST Success Rate with over 17,000 happy couples and individuals (based in India and abroad), who has benefited from her therapy. Psychologist and Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo not only practice independently from her clinic in Greater Kailash, Delhi, India but also listed on the panel of eminent hospitals like IBS Hospital – Institute of Brain & Spine, Express Clinic, Fortis (formerly) based in Delhi.
