Fantasizing about the perfect relationship is quite simple. Maintaining a successful relationship? Not that easy. Maintaining a successful gay or lesbian relationship? That comes with its own unique set of challenges and triumphs. All relationships take dedication and hard work (mixed in with simplicity and fun) but a WLW (women who love women) relationship can require a specific kind of treatment. Lesbian relationships can be the best relationships on the planet — but because two women can bond so rapidly and go so deep. It’s true, you love hard. Frankly, you can have plenty of attraction, chemistry, and things in common, and still [struggle with your] relationship.”
Lesbian couples could benefit from the same universal relationship advice given to straight couples. Shivani Sadhoo says, there are a few specific tips that might be helpful to keep in mind if you would like to bolster your bond with your girlfriend. India’s top marriage counsellor and relationship expert Shivani Sadhoo shares how to keep your lesbian relationship healthy, attractive, strong, and thriving.
Practice compassion for yourself and others
It has been heard that communication is key, and while that is definitely true, compassion actually needs to be put at the top of the list of must-haves for a successful lesbian relationship. If you are in a long-term relationship, probabilities are you will find yourselves in multiple situations where compassion is crucial, whether your girlfriend is dealing with something as small as a bad day at work to something as life-transforming as the death of a parent. Small gestures go a long way. This could look like cooking your lover’s favourite food or asking about how she feels today.
It is also important to practice compassion for yourself. Treating yourself with kindness does not simply make your own life easier and happier. It also keeps your relationship healthy. Several people make a game of showing simply how self-critical they can be. But trying to love someone who is always ragging on herself can get old quite fast.
Communicate clearly and often
Certainly, you will not get very far on this list without communication. Healthy communication is open-handed, open-hearted, non-blaming, non-defensive, and curious.
Lesbians generally love to process their feelings — use that skill to good means by expressing yourself. No one is born with the ability to know how to perfectly communicate, and it is totally fine to turn to outside resources to help. There is no shame in wanting to up your game.
In addition to communicating your own complicated feelings, it is equally as essential to listen to your girlfriend. Be a good listener. It feels good when someone really knows you and hears you when you speak. Be curious, ask questions, and learn as much as you can about your partner’s thoughts, perspectives, and past.” The more you know, the more you will be able to be a supportive partner.
Keep pets out of your bedroom
Like others lesbians love pets. But do not be such a martyr for your beloved furry friends that you sacrifice your love life.
While it is wonderful to snuggle your furry friends at night, do not let it take precedence over your intimacy. Remember, you are in charge — not your pets.
Allow yourself to miss her
Lesbians are probably at a higher risk for love addiction and codependency. It is important to spend time apart even when you feel like you wish to spend every second together. Distance is healthy. There is nothing more beautiful than a woman who has the desire to be autonomous and the confidence to be by herself. When you are blessed with some time away from your girlfriends, you remember why you love them so much.
Think positively about your relationship
The more you reflect on how amazing your partner is, the stronger your relationship will become. Focus on what you love about your partner, not the things you dislike. Human minds are naturally repetitive, and so the thoughts you choose perpetuate and reverberate. You can use this to your advantage by purposely saying or thinking five positive things for every negative thing you say or think about your partner. Make a conscious attempt to think about how your partner lights you up – is it her smile? Her laughter? If you do this you are doing great.
Remember that relationships can always improve
In any relationship, there will be times you mess up. You may answer an ex’s emotional text, or forget the important things. None is perfect. But as long as you can openly admit when you are wrong, have a genuine desire to be better, and take steps to learn from this situation, you will be golden.
A sincere willingness to learn and grow is one of the most important qualities you can have. If you have that or are dating someone who does, there is always room to learn together from your errors and mishaps and form a healthy relationship.
Shivani Misri Sadhoo is an internationally recommended relationship Counsellor by world’s biggest and most trusted study and research-based foundation for couples therapy – Gottman Institute. She is trained on specialised key relationship counselling Skills from AIIMS, VIMHANS and various other reputed institutions. Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo, is also Certified for Emotionally Focused Therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Dialectical Behaviour Therapy.
Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo is also a Certified Neuro Linguistic Practitioner with specialised training and experience in the field of affairs/betrayals, trust issues, difficulty communicating, conflicting values, bereavement, grief and loss (affairs, separation, divorce, childhood) and emotional health issue (anxiety, social anxiety, fear, depression, low mood).
Currently, Shivani Misri Sadhoo is one of the top counsellors with the HIGHEST Success Rate with over 17,000 happy couples and individuals (based in India and abroad), who has benefited from her therapy. Psychologist and Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo not only practice independently from her clinic in Greater Kailash, Delhi, India but also listed on the panel of eminent hospitals like IBS Hospital – Institute of Brain & Spine, Express Clinic, Fortis (formerly) based in Delhi.
