How Does this New Dating Trend Help Find the Perfect Partner?
Have you ever wondered why we keep searching for perfection, even though deep down, we know that nothing in life is truly flawless? While we all strive for a perfect career, family, and life, perfection is often an ideal rather than a reality. It’s subjective and elusive—what feels perfect to one might not to another, as our perspectives and expectations vary. Life is never picture-perfect.
Yes, we all have preferences, and that’s a good thing. However, if you’re chasing perfection, you’ll likely end up disappointed, and perhaps even lonely. Why? Because perfection, as we imagine it, doesn’t exist.
The same is true in dating. Many people search for that perfect person by seeking out the same qualities they like, over and over again. But when you look in the same places and search for the same things, you’ll always find the same result. And if heartbreak keeps following your usual dating type, it’s time to change the formula.
How about Contra-dating?
Eminent marriage and family therapist and relationship counselor in Delhi NCR, Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares her perspective on Contra-dating and how it can help you find your ‘perfect partner’.
What is Contra-Dating?
Contra-dating means stepping outside your usual preferences and being open to people you’d never typically consider. It’s about exploring connections beyond your comfort zone. Instead of seeking someone who mirrors your interests or personality, you embrace the unexpected.
You might love art, but your partner has no eye for it. Or maybe you’re an adventurer, and they find joy in staying home. But sometimes, true connection isn’t about finding someone just like you—it’s about meeting someone who matches your passion and commitment, even if they’re nothing like the partner you imagined.
What are the Benefits of Contra-Dating?
Some of the advantages are:
It Broadens your Horizon
Dating someone who isn’t your usual type can really open up your options and help you find the right partner. When you stick only to your typical type, you limit yourself to a smaller pool of people.
By trying to date someone with different interests, lifestyles, or personalities, you broaden your horizons and see new perspectives. This doesn’t mean you should give up on what matters to you, like kindness or honesty, but it does mean being open to new experiences and possibilities. This approach can help you discover qualities in a partner you might not have considered before and increase your chances of finding someone who’s a great fit for you.
A Chance to Rediscover Yourself
What if I tell you that contra dating can actually help you rediscover yourself? When you meet and interact with a variety of people, you start to reflect on your own motivations, desires, and values.
For example, if you always dated people who fit a specific type or image because of what others expected or what you were used to, contra dating can shake up these patterns. You might discover that you enjoy qualities in people you hadn’t considered before or that your previous criteria were influenced more by external pressures than by what truly matters to you.
This process of self-discovery helps you understand what you really need in a partner. For instance, if you always thought you needed someone who shares all your hobbies but find yourself attracted to someone with different interests, you might realize that compatibility goes beyond shared activities. This new understanding helps you seek relationships that are more authentic and fulfilling, leading you to a partner who truly aligns with your genuine self.
Breaks Preconceived Notions
This particular dating style encourages you to challenge your preconceived notions and biases about potential partners. By dating individuals who don’t fit your usual criteria—whether in appearance, lifestyle, or interests—you may uncover deeper connections and shared core values that you might otherwise overlook.
For example, if you typically date ambitious professionals but try dating someone with a creative passion, you might discover a richer, more fulfilling connection than expected. Contra-dating helps break repetitive patterns, offering new perspectives and potentially leading to a more satisfying relationship.
Shows You The Reality
Many a time, we enter relationships with a fantasy checklist of qualities our “perfect” partner should have, only to face disappointment when reality falls short. Contra dating helps us move past this idealism by shifting our focus from superficial traits to genuine connections.
By prioritizing how a partner makes us feel, how we connect, and whether they encourage our growth, we find compatibility in unexpected places. For example, instead of fixating on a list of attributes, you might discover that a partner who seems different from your ideal brings out qualities in you that make the relationship fulfilling and genuine.
Few Tips for Contra Dating
· Be ready to embrace the unexpected. Sometimes, what you think you want isn’t what you need. Give people who don’t fit your usual preferences a chance. You might find something amazing. Let go of old notions and be open to new possibilities.
· Never compromise on your core values and beliefs when contra-dating. For instance, if you value a certain lifestyle, avoid dating someone with a drastically different vision for their future. Focus on finding partners who share your core beliefs, not just similar external traits, to prevent conflicts and ensure compatibility.
· Look for emotional compatibility in your partner. It is the inner beauty that matters more when you are in search of that ‘perfect someone’.
This article is an eye-opener on how Contra-dating can transform your search for a partner. By stepping out of your comfort zone, challenging preconceived notions, and focusing on genuine connections rather than superficial traits, you may discover a more fulfilling and authentic relationship. Embrace the unexpected and redefine your perfect partner.
Shivani Misri Sadhoo is an internationally recommended relationship Counsellor by world’s biggest and most trusted study and research-based foundation for couples therapy – Gottman Institute. She is trained on specialised key relationship counselling Skills from AIIMS, VIMHANS and various other reputed institutions. Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo, is also Certified for Emotionally Focused Therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Dialectical Behaviour Therapy.
Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo is also a Certified Neuro Linguistic Practitioner with specialised training and experience in the field of affairs/betrayals, trust issues, difficulty communicating, conflicting values, bereavement, grief and loss (affairs, separation, divorce, childhood) and emotional health issue (anxiety, social anxiety, fear, depression, low mood).
Currently, Shivani Misri Sadhoo is one of the top counsellors with the HIGHEST Success Rate with over 17,000 happy couples and individuals (based in India and abroad), who has benefited from her therapy. Psychologist and Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo not only practice independently from her clinic in Greater Kailash, Delhi, India but also listed on the panel of eminent hospitals like IBS Hospital – Institute of Brain & Spine, Express Clinic, Fortis (formerly) based in Delhi.
