Signs You’re in a Roommate Marriage and How to Fix It

Love is a very special feeling. When you are in a relationship, the initial days are always exciting. There’s an element of surprise and mystery, where every conversation feels new and every moment feels special. But with time, relationships inevitably go through ups and downs. Once the honeymoon phase fades and reality sets in, couples often face challenges they never anticipated.

There are moments when the relationship starts to feel monotonous, like the magic has disappeared. Daily interactions become routine, and intimacy takes a backseat. Slowly, couples start behaving more like roommates than life partners. Believe it or not, there’s a term for this kind of marriage—it’s called a roommate marriage.

Let’s find out from Delhi’s leading relationship expert and marriage counselor, Shivani Misri Sadhoo, more about the tell-tale signs of a roommate marriage—and more importantly, how to bring love and connection back into it.

What is a Roommate Marriage?

Sometimes, when married couples coexist under the same roof but are emotionally and physically disconnected—living more like roommates than spouses—it is referred to as a “roommate marriage.” They function as cohabitants who willingly share responsibilities, yet lack the intimacy and connection that form the foundation of a healthy relationship.

What are the Tell-tale Signs of A Roommate Marriage?

Lack of intimacy

There are no ‘us’ moments. One of the most prominent signs is a lack of closeness between the couple. Something seems to be missing. Even if they share the same space, they are emotionally distant, disconnected, and no longer feel the same bond they once did.

Conversations become superficial or infrequent, lacking the depth, care, and affection they once held. It’s not only about emotional disconnect, but physical intimacy also begins to wane. Love-filled gazes turn into empty stares, affectionate touches become rare, and the passion that once defined the relationship quietly fades into the background.

Sharing a Home, Not A Life

When married couples start living separate lives, it’s often a red flag. Personal space is healthy, but constant distance signals deeper issues. Partners may act like roommates—pursuing separate routines, hobbies, and social lives. The concern isn’t independence, but when their lives stop overlapping and true connection fades away.

Communication Gap

We all know that communication is the backbone of any healthy relationship. This means that both partners should not only talk to each other but also listen to one another. Communication is always a two-way path. When couples stop having honest and meaningful conversations—no matter how difficult or uncomfortable those conversations may be—a communication breakdown begins to form. This gap can widen over time if issues are left unaddressed, leading to misunderstandings, resentment, and emotional distance.

No Interest in Spending Quality Time

When a married couple no longer finds spending time together interesting, it can feel like the relationship has shifted into more of a “roommate marriage”. These are just a few of the signs that tell us that the couple is experiencing a “roommate marriage”.

How to Fix A Roommate Marriage?

Honest communication

It is the real deal-breaker here. Couples should simply talk to each other. The more they communicate, the better they will understand each other’s feelings and emotions. This ongoing dialogue helps them avoid conflicts and builds a stronger foundation of trust. When couples are honest about their thoughts, needs, and concerns, they reduce the chances of misunderstandings and assumptions that often lead to arguments. Even difficult conversations—when handled with openness and respect—can bring partners closer together. 

Spend time together:

One of the most effective ways to reignite a lost spark is to intentionally spend time together. Amid the hustle and bustle of life, it’s important to hit the pause button and prioritize each other. It’s all too easy to get swept up in work, responsibilities, and routines, but setting aside time to truly connect can make a world of difference.

Whether it’s sharing a quiet meal, going for a walk, reminiscing about cherished memories, or simply sitting together in comfortable silence, these small yet meaningful moments help rebuild emotional intimacy. In these pauses, couples often rediscover the warmth, laughter, and companionship that first brought them together. This conscious effort is key to moving beyond the “roommate phase” and back into a space of closeness and connection.   

Embrace Friendship

To exit the roommate phase, couples should embrace friendship because it forms the foundation of a deeper emotional connection. Being friends means sharing laughter, understanding, and mutual support beyond routine tasks. When couples prioritize friendship, they reignite warmth and closeness, transforming everyday cohabitation into meaningful companionship.       

Don’t Lose Your Identity

Being married does not mean that one has to lose or sacrifice one’s sense of self. Holding onto your individuality, your passions, goals, and personal growth can breathe life into the relationship. When both partners support each other’s journey, they stay emotionally connected, avoid growing apart, and keep the marriage vibrant rather than slipping into routine.    

Professional Guidance

Sometimes, it is alright to seek an expert opinion. A third person, especially a trained therapist or counsellor, can offer a valuable perspective and tools that couples may not see on their own.          

There is no need to accept a disconnected marriage as the norm. With conscious effort, honest communication, and emotional reconnection, couples can rediscover love and intimacy. A “roommate marriage” can evolve back into a fulfilling partnership when both partners choose to nurture the bond they once deeply cherished.