I Can’t Tolerate My in-Laws, What Should I do?

They say marriages are made in heaven — a poetic sentiment that paints a picture of two souls destined to find each other. But in the earthly reality, marriage is far more than just a union of hearts. When you marry someone, you join not only with their dreams, ideals, and worldview, but also with their everyday rhythms — their quirks, their routines, their strengths, and their flaws. You inherit their way of tackling life’s storms and savouring its sunshine.

And in a culture like India’s, marriage is seldom a private, two-person affair. It’s not simply “two people meeting” — it’s two entire ecosystems coming together. Families merge, traditions intertwine, and social circles expand like ripples in a pond. The wedding day may feel like the moment the two of you become one, but in truth, it’s also the day you gain an extended family — complete with its customs, history, and expectations.

In most Indian households, it is the bride who is traditionally expected to adapt first and most. She is encouraged to learn the family’s customs, adjust to new meal times, intuit unspoken hierarchies, and strike that delicate balance between honouring traditions and protecting her individuality. This adjustment can be enriching — but it can also, at times, be exhausting.

The truth is, there are moments in some marriages when the relationship with in-laws becomes strained. Disagreements may simmer beneath polite smiles; small differences in lifestyle can balloon into frustrations; and the constant push-and-pull between “fitting in” and “being yourself” can feel overwhelming.

If you’ve ever found yourself thinking, “I simply cannot tolerate my in-laws anymore”, you are not alone — and you are not a bad person for feeling this way. These emotions are more common than people admit, yet they often remain unspoken for fear of judgment.

What do you need to do if unable to stand your in-laws?

Shivani Misri Sadhoo, a leading Marriage and Family Therapy (MFT) and one of the best marriage counsellors in Delhi and India, offers practical guidance on how to manage these tense dynamics without letting them poison your peace or your marriage. In the following sections, we’ll explore compassionate yet firm strategies to help you cope, communicate, and create healthier boundaries when your relationship with your in-laws feels like it’s hitting a breaking point.

Understand the Root Cause

All problems must be nipped in the bud. Hence, it is important to understand the root cause of the problem first. You must find out how it all started. That you do not like your in-laws must have some background—it could be due to misunderstandings, differences in values, past conflicts, or unmet expectations. Identifying the reason will help you find a constructive way forward and prevent the issue from festering.

Set Clear Boundaries

It’s natural for any mother to want the best for her child, but sometimes that care can slip into over-control, affecting the couple’s bond. When in-laws involve themselves in every choice—what to eat, what to wear, even how to live—it can feel intrusive. Such interference, though often rooted in love, can strain relationships. Tackling it requires open communication, gentle boundary-setting, and mutual respect to preserve both harmony and independence.

Begin by having open and respectful conversations with your partner, ensuring you stand united as a team. Set gentle yet clear boundaries while showing appreciation for your in-laws’ love and concern. By balancing empathy with firmness, you can protect your independence and maintain a healthy, respectful family relationship.

Effective Communication

When you can’t tolerate your in-laws, every interaction can feel tense and exhausting, with small disagreements quickly growing into major conflicts. These struggles often come from misunderstandings, different values, or unclear boundaries. So, what should you do? Have honest, open communication—both sides should share feelings calmly and listen with patience. Setting clear expectations and respecting each other’s space helps reduce tension and makes it possible to maintain a more peaceful, respectful relationship.

Privacy Matters

Whether you live with or apart from your in-laws, privacy is essential. You don’t want them eavesdropping on private conversations or frequently stepping into moments meant just for you and your child. Such interference can chip away at your marriage and parent-child bond.

To address this, have an honest conversation with your in-laws about the importance of boundaries. Clearly explain when you need privacy and why it matters. Create designated private spaces and times for you, your spouse, and your child. Involve your in-laws in family activities occasionally, but also protect your intimate family moments. This balance helps maintain respect and closeness without sacrificing your family’s privacy.

It is quite evident from this article that dealing with in-laws can be tough, but understanding where the issues come from, setting kind boundaries, talking openly, and protecting your privacy can really help. With patience and teamwork, you can build a peaceful, respectful space that supports your marriage and happiness.