Each couple goes through both good and bad times. Playing the blame game is not just the easiest thing but also a very unhealthy communication style that will only lead to a couple arguing and fighting unfairly and crop up the irrelevant past things into present arguments.
In this blog, India’s leading marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo says if this is the scenario in your relationship you can get a solution.
Here are the things that you need to remember when your partner or spouse plays the blame game.
Stand for Yourself
Make your partner realize that you are feeling blamed and do not defer talking about it. When you leave those situations undiscussed, it will end up as a trend in the relationship that is seen to be normal. Let your partner know how you feel in a clear way. Make a conscious attempt to listen to what your partner is saying and look to change your behavior for the sake of your relationship, specifically when you feel you are wrong.
Realize that the Blame is not Actually about you
If your spouse keeps blaming you for all the things, stop and analyze if their blames are actually aimed at you or not. Generally, blames are a release of pain. If something suggests to you that you are not the cause of a particular thing, remember that it is not entirely true. It is about the other person’s shame. And on those occasions where you do not take it personally, you will be able to be more loving and kinder to your spouse.
When Pointing Out Issues Tell your Partner to be Gentle
You should always calmly and rationally point out things to your partner. If your partner believes you are always to blame, then there could be a problem. Several times, things show up for the first time, and for them to say always is wrong. Make an arrangement with your partner that if you are doing what they are saying, it is alright to gently tell you that you are doing a certain thing. Be willing and open to talk about it.
Transform your Partner’s Anger or Tantrum as a Productive Thing
Ask your spouse, what would you want to do about it? when he/she is playing the blame game on you. This way, you are transforming their temper tantrum into a productive moment. Make your partner focus on a solution rather than blaming you. It is a better strategy.
Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away
During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control COVID-10 spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.
However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help. Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception. But try it before you disregard this option. This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high.
You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option. Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service!
Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.
Shivani Misri Sadhoo is an internationally recommended relationship Counsellor by world’s biggest and most trusted study and research-based foundation for couples therapy – Gottman Institute. She is trained on specialised key relationship counselling Skills from AIIMS, VIMHANS and various other reputed institutions. Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo, is also Certified for Emotionally Focused Therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Dialectical Behaviour Therapy.
Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo is also a Certified Neuro Linguistic Practitioner with specialised training and experience in the field of affairs/betrayals, trust issues, difficulty communicating, conflicting values, bereavement, grief and loss (affairs, separation, divorce, childhood) and emotional health issue (anxiety, social anxiety, fear, depression, low mood).
Currently, Shivani Misri Sadhoo is one of the top counsellors with the HIGHEST Success Rate with over 17,000 happy couples and individuals (based in India and abroad), who has benefited from her therapy. Psychologist and Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo not only practice independently from her clinic in Greater Kailash, Delhi, India but also listed on the panel of eminent hospitals like IBS Hospital – Institute of Brain & Spine, Express Clinic, Fortis (formerly) based in Delhi.