We, humans, are social beings. And hence cannot live in seclusion. We rely on social interactions to support our well-being and sense of purpose. We need to connect with other people in order to feel secure and develop relationships that foster emotional growth and development. But sometimes getting too close can make us feel suffocated. That’s when we push people away and choose to live in solitude. This is a natural defence mechanism that we employ to protect ourselves from the potential risks of relationships. There could be many other reasons, too. However, we need to strike a balance between connecting with others and making sure we don’t get too close.
Shivani Misri Sadhoo, a top psychologist and marriage counsellor from Delhi is here to help you find the reasons or identify the most common behaviors that compel you to push people away from their life.
1. Unpleasant past experiences
Yes, many times people tend to distance others away from their lives because of past experiences that have left them feeling hurt or betrayed. It’s like having a fear of touching a hot stove – once you’ve been burned, you’re more likely to keep your distance in the future. No matter how much the person tries to prove their loyalty, you are afraid to trust them. This fear of being hurt again takes over and they push people away as a defence mechanism.
2. Guilt and self-doubt
Self-doubt and guilt can cause people to push away those who care for them. They may fear that if they let people close, they will be judged for their mistakes or not be accepted for who they are. This can lead to feelings of insecurity and isolation, which can be difficult to overcome. For example, a person may feel guilty for not being able to provide emotional support to a friend and, in an effort to protect the friend, may choose to distance themselves.
3. Low Self-esteem
Low self-esteem or fear of vulnerability can lead people to believe that they don’t deserve to have close relationships. They may feel overwhelmed by the thought of connecting with others, so they push them away as a way to protect themselves. You feel like you’re a burden to them and hence sabotage your own relationships.
4. Low Frustration Tolerance
Some people have a low tolerance for frustration, meaning they are unable to tolerate anything that disrupts or causes them discomfort. Therefore, they may distance themselves from stressful people and situations. This can lead to isolation and potential mental health issues.
5. Pessimistic behaviour
People who always think negatively, criticize, and complain tend to push others away. They focus on the bad instead of the good and fail to see the opportunities.
6. Self-centric behaviour
Self-centredness can be a major cause of this alienation. People may become too focused on their own needs, and are unwilling to share their time and energy with others. This can lead to a lack of trust and connection between people, and consequently, a lack of meaningful relationships. They feel that the world revolves around them and are unable to see the point of view of others.
The green-eyed monster can rear its ugly head and cause people to push others away. Jealousy is a powerful emotion that can lead to possessiveness, insecurity, and resentment. For example, a person may become jealous if their partner starts spending more time with a co-worker or close friend and feel compelled to push that other person away.
Don’t let such behavioural traits ruin your relationships with people. Talk to your relationship expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo, today.
Shivani Misri Sadhoo is an internationally recommended relationship Counsellor by world’s biggest and most trusted study and research-based foundation for couples therapy – Gottman Institute. She is trained on specialised key relationship counselling Skills from AIIMS, VIMHANS and various other reputed institutions. Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo, is also Certified for Emotionally Focused Therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Dialectical Behaviour Therapy.
Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo is also a Certified Neuro Linguistic Practitioner with specialised training and experience in the field of affairs/betrayals, trust issues, difficulty communicating, conflicting values, bereavement, grief and loss (affairs, separation, divorce, childhood) and emotional health issue (anxiety, social anxiety, fear, depression, low mood).
Currently, Shivani Misri Sadhoo is one of the top counsellors with the HIGHEST Success Rate with over 17,000 happy couples and individuals (based in India and abroad), who has benefited from her therapy. Psychologist and Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo not only practice independently from her clinic in Greater Kailash, Delhi, India but also listed on the panel of eminent hospitals like IBS Hospital – Institute of Brain & Spine, Express Clinic, Fortis (formerly) based in Delhi.