How to Know if Your Relation is Based on Loneliness or Love?

Relationship Counselor and Couples Therapist Shivani Sadhoo Unravels the Mystery

Being in love is a wonderful feeling. You suddenly start rearranging, reprioritizing, and reimagining your life for that “special someone”. That person becomes the center of your world and you’ll do anything to ensure they have the best of everything. However, love isn’t always about starry nights and sunny days.

There are times when you feel alone in a relationship. No matter how hard you try, you can’t connect with your partner. And distance creeps in, leaving you lost and confused. Do you wonder if your relationship is based on love or loneliness? India’s eminent couples therapist and marriage counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares some tell-tale signs to help you differentiate between the two feelings.

1. Emotional disconnect

When two people are no longer emotionally connected to each other, it can cause a disconnect in their relationship. It is likely that one of the partners subconsciously mutes their feelings and emotions, while the other may not even notice the gradual change. This can make either partner lonely, angry, or frustrated. It can also lead to resentment and create a distance in the relationship that can be difficult to bridge.

2. Feeling neglected

When your partner consistently fails to make time for you or ignores your attempts to connect, you may feel unloved or unappreciated. This can lead to loneliness and insecurity which negatively affects the relationship. The relationship simply feels like a burden.

3. Fear Factor

Are you in a relationship only because you are afraid of being alone? This kind of fear can make people take decisions that do not serve their best interests. Humans are social animals. Hence, it is natural that feeling lonely can be a strong drive to find companionship even though there is no love and happiness in the relationship.

4. Social media addiction

Imagine a situation where a couple is out for a romantic candlelight dinner. However, one of them is busy scrolling through their social media feed instead of spending quality time with their significant other. This can create feelings of loneliness and disconnection. Love cannot exist in such circumstances. Alternatively, too much reliance on social media can lead to a sense of inadequacy, as people compare their lives to those of others.

5. No more deep conversations 

Another tell-tale sign that you are lonely in a relationship is when both partners stop sharing their thoughts and feelings. Conversations become superficial. This can be indicative of a lack of emotional intimacy, which can lead to a lack of connection and ultimately to loneliness in the relationship.

6. You pretend to be someone else

When you’re constantly trying to be what your partner wants you to be, instead of being yourself, it creates a disconnect between you and your partner. This can lead to loneliness because you’re not authentic in the relationship. Trust is the cornerstone of any relationship. Love is impossible without trust.

Love isn’t about finding the perfect person, but about finding someone who is perfect for you.