Shivani Sadhoo says she hears plenty from her clients that they are having issues in their relationships. Everybody knows that the course of real love never runs smoothly. But why is this such a general complaint, and why do a considerable number of marriages end in divorce?
India’s eminent marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo says that the following points below are some of the biggest relationship pitfalls couples get into, and some methods that you can avoid making the same mistakes.
Communication
You often have heard that men are from Mars and women are from Venus, and if you have gone through that book you will know that men and women have quite different methods of looking at things, and these differences could cause all sorts of misunderstandings and arguments. It definitely does not help that men are notoriously poor at talking about their feelings and that women mostly do not say what they actually mean. There could be numerous differences and implications, but the point here is to make is that communication is the key ingredient in any relationship. If this is good then you try to avoid things such as assumptions, and several of the other issues mentioned below. So if differences are there take time to understand the needs of the opposite sex. It can make your relationship a lot easier.
Resentment
Not being capable of letting go of your past is bad enough when it comes to your own happiness, but in a relationship holding on to resentment will be toxic. It is like a sphere of negative energy continuously lurking in the background and may erupt at any moment. There are just 3 things you can do in any situation – accept it, do something regarding it, or walk away. Holding on to resentment never solves anything, and in the long term, it can be damaging to your health. So, learn to forgive, and try not to go to bed without sorting things out, or it can develop over time and cause even bigger issues.
Gadgets
There is nothing more annoying than seeing a couple at the dinner table or on the couch turned away from each other on mobiles or tablets. While you eat your dinner and sitting in front of the television is another common scenario.
It is not an attempt to say there is anything wrong with enjoying these things, but if these are all you are doing from the time you reach home until the moment when you turn the light off for sleep then it is bound to have an effect on your relationship. So, make an attempt to eat at the table sometimes, or have an evening without gadgets. You will discover something new about your partner, or experience a deeper bond when you spend some quality time together.
Trust
Trust issues could be caused by multiple factors. For instance, an individual who has low self-esteem might expect their partner to cheat or leave them completely. Another instance is in relationships where the trust has been damaged either by the present or previous partner an individual may believe that it is just a matter of time before it happens again. Whatever the cause maybe it requires to be dealt with since, without trust the foundations will be weak, and one way or another it will come falling down in the end. Couples usually end up finding what they are searching for or sabotaging what they have. So either trust each other fully or call it a day. Self-esteem could be worked on, and old beliefs can be altered, so do not allow these things to come between you and your happiness.
Expectations
There is no harm with knowing what you desire in a partner and making certain that you are compatible prior to committing to each other. But when you are frequently setting expectations about how you wish your partner to be, you are actually setting your partner up to fail, and you will constantly feel let down and frustrated. Learning to accept individuals as they are, and as they are not can strengthen your existing relationships, and save you plenty of stress. No one is perfect and change is bound to happen – so swim with the flow.
Shivani Misri Sadhoo is an internationally recommended relationship Counsellor by world’s biggest and most trusted study and research-based foundation for couples therapy – Gottman Institute. She is trained on specialised key relationship counselling Skills from AIIMS, VIMHANS and various other reputed institutions. Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo, is also Certified for Emotionally Focused Therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Dialectical Behaviour Therapy.
Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo is also a Certified Neuro Linguistic Practitioner with specialised training and experience in the field of affairs/betrayals, trust issues, difficulty communicating, conflicting values, bereavement, grief and loss (affairs, separation, divorce, childhood) and emotional health issue (anxiety, social anxiety, fear, depression, low mood).
Currently, Shivani Misri Sadhoo is one of the top counsellors with the HIGHEST Success Rate with over 17,000 happy couples and individuals (based in India and abroad), who has benefited from her therapy. Psychologist and Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo not only practice independently from her clinic in Greater Kailash, Delhi, India but also listed on the panel of eminent hospitals like IBS Hospital – Institute of Brain & Spine, Express Clinic, Fortis (formerly) based in Delhi.
