At times it has been seen that an individual is always seemed to be down or critical of himself/herself. This is despite the fact that they are wonderful human beings. But they often self-criticize themselves. These all happen when as a child one has an overtly critical parent. Shivani Sadhoo says, growing up with a highly critical parent can have long-lasting impacts.
Are you also, the one who seems overtly critical of yourself? Or always feel that it is you who is always at fault? If yes, read this further as this blog by India’s leading Marriage And Family Therapy (MFT) Shivani Misri Sadhoo sheds light on certain signs that suggest you were raised by a highly critical parent.
You have a hard time trusting yourself
Repeated criticism early in life could leave the impression that what you think, feel, or do is somewhat wrong. As a consequence, you are mostly plagued by self-doubt.
It’s difficult to bounce back from mistakes
To err is human, but when the error is all yours it feels like confirmation of your shortcomings. Even a small mistake can remind you of all your past failures as your sense of self-worth goes down.
You are hesitant to take on new challenges
Self-doubt and low confidence make it difficult to trust your ability to rise to the occasion for a new task. You mostly wind up playing it safe and opting not to try rather than risk failing.
You try to be a perfectionist
Your efforts to be perfect are not driven by pride in your work but by the fear of goofing up and revealing your inadequacy.
You take a long time to complete your task
Drafting an email, selecting a gift, writing a note, or anything else could take a long time as you try to avoid making any errors. You may even miss deadlines as your attempts to get it “simply right” interfere with getting things done.
You repeatedly apologize
Your parents were quick to make you feel that you were in the wrong, so it is easy to assume that others will perceive you in the same light. When your friends tell you that you do not have to say “sorry” all the time, you may even apologize for apologizing.
You mostly feel defensive
Certainly, you feel defensive: You learned as a child to be highly attuned to possible attacks so you can safeguard against them. Your defensive reactions might lead your friends or partner to get upset with you for “always taking stuff the wrong way” which does not make you feel any less defensive.
You hardly take compliments to your heart
When someone says good things about you, you find a method to deflect it—mostly with (surprise) self-criticism. If someone says they like your new shoes, for instance, you say that it is not the best color for you. In one manner or another, you neutralize any positivity directed at you.
You have a harsh inner critic
The past voice of your critical parent gets internalized, and now their criticism comes from within. If you listen attentively, you may hear echoes of your parent’s voice in your own self-talk.
You seem to be critical of others
As much as you do not like being criticized, it is difficult not to do it to others. You find it easy and automatic to see shortcomings in other people, and your own self-criticism is mirrored in your behavior toward others—probably as a defense against your low self-worth.
Your relationship with your sibling is strained
It is sad that poor treatment from parents mostly gets relayed into difficult sibling relationships While you might enjoy moments of closeness and connection, a fundamental sense of trust is often missing.
You mostly overthink things
Self-doubt and mistrust lead you to spend plenty of time in your head: analyzing, reviewing, and second thoughts. You may spend excessive time in your head that you even feel cut off from your own body.
Shivani Misri Sadhoo is an internationally recommended relationship Counsellor by world’s biggest and most trusted study and research-based foundation for couples therapy – Gottman Institute. She is trained on specialised key relationship counselling Skills from AIIMS, VIMHANS and various other reputed institutions. Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo, is also Certified for Emotionally Focused Therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Dialectical Behaviour Therapy.
Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo is also a Certified Neuro Linguistic Practitioner with specialised training and experience in the field of affairs/betrayals, trust issues, difficulty communicating, conflicting values, bereavement, grief and loss (affairs, separation, divorce, childhood) and emotional health issue (anxiety, social anxiety, fear, depression, low mood).
Currently, Shivani Misri Sadhoo is one of the top counsellors with the HIGHEST Success Rate with over 17,000 happy couples and individuals (based in India and abroad), who has benefited from her therapy. Psychologist and Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo not only practice independently from her clinic in Greater Kailash, Delhi, India but also listed on the panel of eminent hospitals like IBS Hospital – Institute of Brain & Spine, Express Clinic, Fortis (formerly) based in Delhi.
