Relationships are complex, and when the honeymoon phase fades, the initial romance can start to wane. You might find yourself feeling like strangers sharing the same space, sensing that your marriage is deteriorating or that you’re simply growing bored.
During this vulnerable period, you may find yourself attracted to another man, even if he is married. The real issue surfaces when you realize this man is just toying with your emotions and flirting without any genuine intent.
How do you recognize the signs that a married man is using you?
Shivani Misri Sadhoo, a leading couples therapist in Delhi shares 5 alarming signs and more importantly, how do you deal with it?
Meets at his Convenience
A married man who is using you will likely reach out only when it’s convenient for him, often during odd hours or when he’s away from his wife, showing that his primary commitments come first.
If he consistently sets up times to see you solely based on his needs and convenience, without regard for your availability or needs, this behavior indicates a one-sided relationship.
He may not be there for you when you need him, highlighting that he is a taker rather than a giver. While occasional unavailability due to his obligations at home might be understandable, consistent patterns of such behavior should raise a red flag, revealing his true intentions.
He Keeps You Away from his Social Life
When a married man consistently distances himself from you at social gatherings with mutual friends and co-workers, it’s a clear sign he’s using you.
His deliberate avoidance of eye contact, the insistence that you remain discreet, and flirtations with other women under the guise of “protecting” your relationship indicate a lack of genuine care for your feelings.
A man truly invested in you would make an effort to connect with you, sharing moments of affection and maintaining a visible bond, rather than creating emotional distance and flirting with others in your presence. This behavior reveals his lack of commitment and respect for your relationship.
Avoids Future Plans
Is he avoiding conversations about the future with you? If your married lover frequently dismisses or gets irritated when you mention plans beyond today, it’s a warning sign he may be using you.
His reluctance to discuss a future together suggests he sees you as a temporary fixture, not a serious partner, and might be keeping his options open elsewhere.
He’s Not Interested In your Likes or Dislikes
It is natural to expect personal interest and connection in any relationship, but if a married man only seeks a fling, he will disregard your personal details, like your favorite drink or pet’s name.
This behavior reflects his need for validation rather than genuine care, using you merely to boost his ego without remembering significant aspects of your life.
Manipulation
Manipulation is a clear sign that a married man is using you when he disregards your feelings and responds dismissively to your concerns.
This behavior indicates a lack of respect and an attempt to control you through gaslighting or emotional manipulation. If you find yourself doubting your perception or feeling controlled, manipulation is likely at play.
What are the Ways to Deal with It?
One must set clear boundaries to protect mental health and avoid being used. Identify what you will and will not tolerate, and communicate these limits clearly.
Your life, dignity, and self-respect are at stake, so ensure you assertively define and uphold these boundaries.
Be frank and confront him about your intentions. While his attention can be flattering, tell him clearly you’re not interested in an affair. If he persists, employ tactics to stop his advances.
Say you’re not available or just out of a bad relationship to avoid further issues.
Stop Communicating with him. It may be difficult, but to break free from a man who is using you, cease all contact. Delete his number, block him on social media, and avoid places he frequents.
This step prevents emotional dependency and unhealthy attachments, safeguarding your well-being and helping you draw clear boundaries.
Sometimes, the ending is more important than the journey. If your married man can’t meet your needs, it’s time to end it. Seek support from family and friends or a relationship counselor.
Find new interests, and make a clean break. Block him if necessary and resist responding. Stay strong and seek help from trusted sources.
It may be painful to recognize that a married man is using you, but understanding these signs allows you to take control of your own happiness.
By setting boundaries, confronting the issue, ceasing contact, and seeking support, you can protect your self-worth and move towards a healthier, more fulfilling future.
Shivani Misri Sadhoo is an internationally recommended relationship Counselor by world’s biggest and most trusted study and research-based foundation for couples therapy – Gottman Institute . She is trained on specialized key relationship counseling Skills from AIIMS, VIMHANS and various other reputed institutions. Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo, is also Certified for Emotionally Focused Therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Dialectical Behavior Therapy.
Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo is also a Certified Neuro Linguistic Practitioner with specialized training and experience in the field of affairs/betrayals, trust issues, difficulty communicating, conflicting values, bereavement, grief and loss (affairs, separation, divorce, childhood) and emotional health issue (anxiety, social anxiety, fear, depression, low mood).
Currently, Shivani Misri Sadhoo is one of the top counselors with the HIGHEST Success Rate with over 17,000 happy couples and individuals (based in India and abroad), who has benefited from her therapy. Psychologist and Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo not only practices independently from her clinic in Greater Kailash, Delhi, India but also listed on the panel of eminent hospitals like IBS Hospital Panel – Institute of Brain & Spine, Express Clinic, Fortis (formerly) based in Delhi.
