Falling in love feels natural, but falling out of it can seem equally effortless when misunderstandings and conflicts arise. It’s important to remember that even though disagreements are inevitable, it’s not the argument itself that defines a relationship but how you and your partner handle it.
Arguments, when managed well, can serve as “controlled fires,” temporarily causing discomfort but ultimately leading to a stronger, more resilient relationship. However, there are some actions that can turn minor disputes into long-lasting damage.
What are the things you should never do after a fight with your partner?
Eminent marriage and family therapist in Delhi NCR Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares with us 7 important things to avoid after a relationship fight to keep your bond strong and thriving.
Do Not Sleep Over The Problem
Silence may feel like the easiest option after a fight, but it’s one of the most harmful behaviors in a relationship. Ignoring the issue or giving the silent treatment only leads to unresolved feelings, emotional distance, and resentment. It’s essential to talk openly about what caused the conflict once both partners have calmed down.
Avoid sweeping problems under the rug, as they will only resurface later and make things worse. A constructive conversation helps both partners feel heard and prevents recurring issues, but it’s important to recognize if a quick discussion is enough to resolve the matter or if it needs more attention.
Stop Playing The Blame Game
One of the worst things you can do during a conflict is to play the blame game. Blaming your partner only heightens defensiveness and prevents resolution. Instead of focusing on who’s at fault, try to understand the cause of the disagreement and work together to resolve it. Mutual accountability and empathy are key.
Try seeing things from your partner’s perspective and consider their feelings. Use “I” statements to express your feelings in a way that fosters understanding. For example, rather than accusing your partner of always being late, say, “I feel frustrated when plans are delayed because I value punctuality.” This approach helps build trust and respect, making it easier to work through conflicts together.
Don’t Raise Your Voice
Do not make demands or engage in disrespectful behavior, such as yelling or shouting, during a disagreement with your partner. Raising your voice often escalates the situation, causing the other person to shut down and preventing any constructive discussion.
A hostile environment is counterproductive to resolving issues in a relationship. Screaming and shouting only increase tension and stress without addressing the real problem.
Don’t Publicise Your Fights
It is quite natural to vent your feelings to friends and family, but conflicts with your partner should remain private. Sharing your issues can lead to biased advice, and unfair judgments, and create tension between your partner and those you confide in. Complaining about your spouse to anyone, including on social media, can erode trust and damage your relationship.
It’s best to resolve conflicts directly with your partner or seek help from a professional. Venting to others before talking to your partner can negatively affect their perception of your relationship. Instead, confide in someone you trust about what’s stressing you out to avoid damaging your relationship’s trust.
Don’t Think About The Past Mistakes
Never brood over what has happened. Let the past go and focus on resolving the present issue. Bringing up old fights only distracts from the current problem and makes both partners feel overwhelmed.
Avoid dumping a bucket of past complaints during a heated moment. It’s unproductive to revisit old arguments for support in the current dispute. Instead, address past grievances calmly and constructively when both of you are at ease. This approach helps in maintaining a healthy dialogue and prevents the current issue from spiraling out of control.
Don’t Say Hurtful Things to Your Partner
Words can be incredibly powerful, especially during an argument. When emotions run high, it’s easy to say hurtful things you don’t truly mean. Harsh words can linger and cause deep resentment, even if you apologize later.
To avoid damaging your relationship, be mindful of what you say. If you feel you’re losing control, take a step back to cool down instead of saying something you’ll regret. Remember, it’s not about winning the battle but maintaining respect and connection with your partner.
Don’t Focus on Winning The Argument
While winning an argument might feel satisfying, it’s not beneficial for your relationship. Arguments should be about resolving conflicts, not about proving who’s right. Instead of seeing your partner as a competitor, view them as a collaborator. Focus on what you both need, make necessary compromises, and work towards a solution that benefits both of you.
Winning an argument often means someone loses, which can harm your relationship. Prioritize understanding each other’s viewpoints and maintaining a healthy relationship over simply winning the argument.
Relationships can be tricky sometimes, but handling conflicts with care strengthens them. Avoid ignoring issues, blaming each other, raising your voice, airing grievances publicly, dredging up past mistakes, saying hurtful things, and focusing on winning arguments.
Instead, communicate openly, empathize, and work together to resolve issues and grow closer. Don’t hesitate to consult your relationship counselor if you feel confused in such circumstances.
Shivani Misri Sadhoo is an internationally recommended relationship Counsellor by world’s biggest and most trusted study and research-based foundation for couples therapy – Gottman Institute. She is trained on specialised key relationship counselling Skills from AIIMS, VIMHANS and various other reputed institutions. Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo, is also Certified for Emotionally Focused Therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Dialectical Behaviour Therapy.
Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo is also a Certified Neuro Linguistic Practitioner with specialised training and experience in the field of affairs/betrayals, trust issues, difficulty communicating, conflicting values, bereavement, grief and loss (affairs, separation, divorce, childhood) and emotional health issue (anxiety, social anxiety, fear, depression, low mood).
Currently, Shivani Misri Sadhoo is one of the top counsellors with the HIGHEST Success Rate with over 17,000 happy couples and individuals (based in India and abroad), who has benefited from her therapy. Psychologist and Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo not only practice independently from her clinic in Greater Kailash, Delhi, India but also listed on the panel of eminent hospitals like IBS Hospital – Institute of Brain & Spine, Express Clinic, Fortis (formerly) based in Delhi.
