India’s leading Couples Therapist and Marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo decodes the trauma bonding shown in Alia Bhatt’s latest movie “Darlings”
The recently released Hindi movie ‘Darlings’ explores trauma bonding and its aspects. What exactly is trauma bonding? Trauma bonding is the attachment an abused individual feels for their abuser, particularly, in a relationship having a cyclical pattern of abuse. The bond is formed because of a cycle of abuse and positive reinforcement.
We are exploring the seven stages of trauma bonding through the central characters Badri and Hamza.
The alcoholic husband, Hamza is a wife abuser and the homemaker wife Badru keeps believing, in a curdled mixture of hope and desperation, that one fine day he will change and they will have a family and live happily ever after.
Love Bombing
At the beginning of the relationship, Hamza showers Badru with excess love. Badru is engulfed in feeling as if she now owes him love or requires to do something grander for him. She felt moved by his love. This love bombing will stop when abuse takes shape and will resume when the victim is hurt as it did to Badri.
Trust and Dependency
Next, Hamza did anything and everything to win his wife Badru’s trust when he knew he was losing it. He, therefore, makes her dependent on him for love and validation.
Criticism
Once the trust was developed then Hamza began criticizing her about everything. Yes, the stones in the rice were real. He deftly blamed her for small things and then the major stuff. He was drip-feeding Badru through negative thoughts about herself which she began believing. And he made it appear to be for her benefit to protect her. “I do this because I love you.”
Gaslighting
When things went wrong, Hamza transferred it to Badru’s shoulders. He made her doubt her own perception and manipulated her into believing his narrative. It was simple to be engulfed in his world in spite of her mother having her back. And he was consciously separating her from her sole support, her mother. Two contradictory things cannot be true; he told her he loved her whilst staying also being abusive towards her. Both of these things cannot be real at the same time as the abuse is hurtful thus, he was hurting her, and hurt is not loved.
Conceding to Control
Badru came to a stage where she no longer knew what to believe; reality became blurry. She lost control over her life and was being driven by Hamza. She gives up and began doing things his way.
Loss of Self
Fighting was a lost cause so Badru initiated settling for anything to maintain the peace. She is continuously apologetic because Hamza has totally broken down every part of her confidence with each thrash of his.
This aspect of Trauma Bonding was clearly displayed and portrayed in the movie Darlings. This is the reason as shown in the movie several women stay addicted to their abusive partners in relationships. This is prevalent not just in several marriages but also in other relationships or partnerships. The article has been written by India’s eminent couples’ therapist and marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo.
Shivani Misri Sadhoo is an internationally recommended relationship Counsellor by world’s biggest and most trusted study and research-based foundation for couples therapy – Gottman Institute. She is trained on specialised key relationship counselling Skills from AIIMS, VIMHANS and various other reputed institutions. Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo, is also Certified for Emotionally Focused Therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Dialectical Behaviour Therapy.
Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo is also a Certified Neuro Linguistic Practitioner with specialised training and experience in the field of affairs/betrayals, trust issues, difficulty communicating, conflicting values, bereavement, grief and loss (affairs, separation, divorce, childhood) and emotional health issue (anxiety, social anxiety, fear, depression, low mood).
Currently, Shivani Misri Sadhoo is one of the top counsellors with the HIGHEST Success Rate with over 17,000 happy couples and individuals (based in India and abroad), who has benefited from her therapy. Psychologist and Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo not only practice independently from her clinic in Greater Kailash, Delhi, India but also listed on the panel of eminent hospitals like IBS Hospital – Institute of Brain & Spine, Express Clinic, Fortis (formerly) based in Delhi.
